What is “the light” that yogis always seem to talk about?
At the end of some yoga practices, I’ve had teachers say, “The light in me honors the light in you”. The first time I heard it I didn’t really know what on earth they were talking about. I still don’t. Everyone else seems to get it – or do they? I kept hoping that one of these teachers would elaborate one day. They still have not. So I wondered all this time – why don’t I know what they mean? Why don’t I just ask? Cuz I kind of feel stupid, I guess. What am I missing?
Apparently, we all have light. Is this light our soul? Or something else? Our being? Our uniqueness? As much as people are alike, and yet as much as people are different, we all have a light within our being?
OK. So what kind of light do I have, then? I feel like I don’t have much. Especially if this light is the energy we use to get through the day-to-day. On days where the depression and/or anxiety are at a low level I feel like I have more energy. Is that the light? Less symptoms is more light? More symptoms is more darkness? The hard days definitely feel more dark. I feel like I have barely any light on those days. But I guess maybe there is some deep down. The light energy that musters up enough energy to get out of bed when I don’t feel like it, get ready for work, get in the car and drive to a place where sometimes I feel like I survive on pure grit alone. There is light somewhere in there. But where is it exactly?
Honestly, I’m not sure that my light is that great to be honored. But maybe it is if I understood what the light is. Maybe mine doesn’t shine that brightly but it is there. A glimmer trying to shine come what may. If that is the case then my light is a strong dull light that lights a small path for just me. It may not be bright and flashy but its there no matter what. As long as I keep going and trying.
Is this light aura, prana, chi? Does it depend on your focus of study? Or cultural beliefs? Or is it all the same thing once you get down to the basic concept? Or is there even a basic concept?
I hope to understand this better over time. In the meantime, I’ll just have fun reading about it, learning, and contemplating. Perhaps I’ll eventually start asking these teachers questions too. Sometimes you learn best by searching for your own answers. Who knows what paths I will wander down on my journey? A spiritual adventure awaits. Here goes! And ,dear reader, please feel free to offer sources of information. Namaste!
It’s been a very long time since I’ve written anything on this blog. Finding my way back, even electronically, was difficult as I struggled to find my writing platform, to log in, and even to find the “writing” area. I dug out some inspiration from somewhere within myself after years of having nothing to say. I think I have been thinking for several years.
The pandemic brought up a lot of “stuff” for all of us. It did for me anyway. For me, it brought everything that had ever bothered me to the surface. It surfaced as almost paralyzing anxiety. All the traumas of my life seemed to be replaying in my mind on a constant loop. All the messaging from others about who they thought I was got amplified and I felt like I really was failing at work. I couldn’t work fast enough, couldn’t adapt quickly enough. Was not calm like everyone else who seemed to be taking it in stride. When our leaders came to thank us for all our service and commitment, I stood amongst my peers and listened but there was a voice in my mind that kept saying, “They mean everyone else but me”. Where did that voice come from? The voice was telling me that I had been too slow, too scared, and not selfless enough. That I had in fact been more concerned about myself and how scared I was getting than I had been 100% committed to the tasks at hand at work. I had shown up, yes, but in way less capacity than everyone else. I felt like a fraud in comparison. I felt less than. I felt like I wasn’t quite enough. Not long thereafter, I went on a two-month leave of absence to deal with “my” mental illness of anxiety and depression.
I feel like I am still recovering from this and it has been a long, long journey. I have sought out help all over the place and I got some. Some help resonated for a time and then was no longer useful so I moved on. I have also learned a lot about myself. I’ve also learned that I can’t always believe everything other people try to tell me about myself. Because a lot of them are wrong. Some are even just trying to manipulate you into believing things that are not true about yourself. Whether they are conscious or not of what they are doing, it is still harmful messaging. So you start to hear a voice in yourself that you’ve ignored for possibly your whole life that is trying to tell you, “No, that is not at all what I am about. Let me tell you what I am about. Let me figure out more about me. The person I am. My spirit, my life’s purpose. The real and true me. My spirit and essence that got completely forgotten about”.
I’ve returned to yoga at a studio where everyone’s spirits are welcome, accepted, and respected in a very warm nurturing atmosphere. I’ve learned to accept my true introverted nature. And realize I need space and quiet time, and truly love being the homebody that I am. When I am at home, I allow myself, my spirit, to explore what it wants. To see where it will lead me. I’ve been eating differently, shopping differently, and watching movies and TV programs that speak to me in the day or moment. I’ve started hiking also. Short hikes. But a lot of the time, I am home. On the couch, deep in thought, connecting with me, my spirit. And this is OK. It’s what I need, what I have needed for years. It’s an incredible amount of “me time”. But I forgot myself probably from a very early point in my life. I lived for others and always thought they were more important than me. I was not important. I lived for their existence; to support them. But I deserved more from myself and from those around me who thought it was OK to let me believe this – whether they knew it or had no idea. Sadly, I didn’t even know it myself.
Learning about nutrition and how menopause affects your body in the most crazy way through reading books and listening to many, many different people speak on these kinds of transformative ideas and theories, has become my way of life. I feel like I am on the cusp of finally getting why I am here and what my contribution is going to be in my life. Reading about spirituality, and learning about other cultures’ perceptions of time, medicine, and healing is incredible. Learning about the Lunar New Year, learning about, Norse mythology, my ancestry, zodiac theory, and where they seem to meet each other, explain each other, relate and resonate with each other is fascinating.
As we enter into the time of Pisces, my birth sign, I have been reading about Pisces and our personality traits. I am profoundly Piscean. I love water and will always seek out the ocean, a lake a river, or a stream. Particularly rivers and streams. I have been reading about spirituality too and the idea of flowers came to mind. I like flowers. I wondered what the flower of Pisces was. Turns out there are many ideas of what the Piscean flower can be. But the lotus, water lily, seems to be the one that is associated the most. I do love water lilies. I love the lily pads and how sometimes animals use them as a raft in the middle of the water.
I also love how they grow out of the murkiest, darkest mud, where there is no light. How they endure their growing conditions, struggle to grow through water, seeking the light and air, and never give up. I feel like this is me, a lotus plant, struggling with all the perseverance, trying to find a way through the mud to the light, where I will get to be me. A beautiful, beautiful pink or yellow flower in a pond surrounded by fields of daisies. Finally, a flower amongst all the other flowers. A flower at heart.
microyogi 