Tag: stress

You’re stronger than you think

The last two weeks have been hard for me. I finally realized I was in a horrible relationship with my mental health provider. Ultimately, my life should improve now that they are no longer in my life. So the hard times will hopefully lead to an easier future.

As an introvert with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), I have been meeting with a psychiatrist about three or four times a year. I have never really liked him that much but he understands the medications very well so I’ve been ignoring my gut. (Will I ever learn?! ). I put up with his rude and unprofessional office staff. I put up with him consistently being late to start my appointments. I also put up with some questionable comments he made during some my appointments. I unfortunately put up with these types of things for around five years. That on it’s own concerns me – the time it took me to get how bad things were. But better late than never right?

Work stress has amped up over the last few months; I have additional responsibilities. My GAD symptoms were getting a little out of control so I thought that I would apply for intermittent FMLA as a safety net. I sent this psychiatrist some forms to fill out with a brief explanation as to why I needed it. I figured in the grand scheme of things, I was asking for very little. I am very high-functioning and usually push myself to work through the symptoms but some days it gets tough when job stresses don’t let up. I really hide my GAD well. People have no idea about my internal struggles. I don’t talk about it much. All looks well on the surface.

So, I waited, and waited for about two weeks for a response. No word from him. I eventually called his office and I was told all they could do was text him to let him know there were patient messages. The office representative also added “If he responds he does, and if he doesn’t, he doesn’t!” I mean what kind of thing is that to say to a patient?! He eventually responded saying that FMLA is only for serious, ongoing illnesses. Excuse me? Did he not diagnose me with GAD? Has he not prescribed medication for me to take? Have I not been to about 20 follow-up appointments over the last five years? This kind of contradictory messaging to a patient lacks empathy and could be harmful. It has been two months since my last appointment so how did he know how I was actually doing? I sent him two messages in response but have yet to hear from him. That was over a week ago. He is ignoring a patient who is asking for help. A patient who rarely even does ask for help, might I add.

Throughout all this, my anxiety was flaring but I needed to keep a level head. I had several people and organizations to reach out to. I had complaints to file with the state medical board. That, and to still go to work in a busy patient testing lab. No shortage of stress. Somehow, I kept it together. Somehow I remained as strong as I could. It was mentioned to me that I should be proud of how I stood up for myself and asked for better care and for the bad care to stop. I have finally cut ties with that practice. I am scheduled to meet with someone new very soon.

I am grateful for those who helped me through this time. In speaking with one of my friends, I mentioned I needed some time out to watch a few episodes of my all-time favorite show Heartland.
She said “You know what Jack would tell you?”
“What?” I said.
“You’re stronger than you think.”

My reality of living with GAD is that I feel weak. I feel like I am struggling with micro-problems; problems that wouldn’t even phase others. But my nervous system can’t seem to tell the difference. Even when my mind can, my body still reacts. I still feel nauseous, have lumps in my throat, and feel like hiding. I cry in frustration behind closed doors. I’m constantly exhausted and feel like I’m drowning. I think I’ve made myself high-functioning because I’m ashamed of the GAD and I don’t want to seem different, less than, or incompetent. I don’t feel like people get it. So I push and struggle and try to act as normal as possible. While I do understand how regular people don’t get my struggles, I cannot, for the life of me, understand how a mental health provider appears to have no clue.

With GAD the struggle is real for those of us living with it. A lot of us appear normal on the surface but we are struggling like crazy just under the surface. Like synchronized swimmers who look happy and calm but are kicking like crazy to stay afloat.

All this to say, if you also struggle with GAD: You’re stronger than you think.

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Photo: AKP Photography

What happens to your brain on exercise?

Exercise.  This word often invokes feelings of dread about a chore that we must do.  “Get at least 20 to 30 minutes of exercise per day” is what we hear at the doctor’s office.  You know the feeling when the triage nurse goes through her round of preliminary tests and questions…  I am pretty sure they tell us this is what we must do at least 5 times a week.  I  feel like telling them 3 times a week is a bit of an over-estimation but this is usually what I tell them because it sounds better than 2 – or none!

So what is the magic about the “20 to 30 minutes” anyway?  I did some online research and found some curious information.  The take-away message seems to be: this will make you happier!  It will help reduce symptoms of depression and stress.  How many of us take prescriptions to combat the daily tolls that our jobs take on our minds?  I am one of these people.  By the end of the week my brain is fried; I am brain-dead, exhausted, miserable, and wondering why this is how life is supposed to be for those of us in the work force.  I mean really?!

Realistically, 20 minutes out of a whole day is not much.  We really could do this!  Figuring out when exactly may be a bit of a challenge but ultimately it is worth taking the time to think it over and come up with a plan.

So how does 20 minutes of exercise make us happier?  Interactions between our cardiovascular, endocrine, and neurological system work to release hormones and other chemicals which give us that “feel good” feeling afterwards.  This feeling is likely to last all day long!

When we exercise, our brain recognizes a level of physical stress occurring when your heart pressure starts to increase.  To protect us from the stress the brain triggers a release of a protein called BDNF (Brain-Derived Neurotropic Factor).  BDNF acts as a protective and reparative force for our memory neurons.  This is what causes the “feel-good” after exercise.  Simultaneously, the brain triggers the release of those endorphins which tend to reduce the discomfort of exercise.  BDNF and endorphins can actually have the same addictive behavior as morphine, heroin, or nicotine!  So, let’s start an addiction!  A healthy addiction that is !

Research at Penn State University found that, “Those who had exercised during the preceding month but not on the day of testing generally did better on the memory test than those who had been sedentary, but did not perform nearly as well as those who had worked out that morning.”  The brain is much more active after a 20 minute walk than after sitting quietly.

As a matter of fact, author Gretchen Reynolds has written a whole book called The First 20 Minutes: Surprising Science Reveals How We Can Exercise Better, Train Smarter, Live Longer where she postulates we do not need to become professional athletes to achieve peak happiness and productivity levels.  Gretchen Reynolds says, “The first 20 minutes of moving around, if someone has been really sedentary, provide most of the health benefits. You get prolonged life, reduced disease risk — all of those things come in in the first 20 minutes of being active.”

So, start small and build a daily keystone exercise habit!  Start with 5 minutes a day.  Take a walk, roll out the yoga mat, or do some vigorous house-work!  It doesn’t have to be intense!  Work your way up to 20 minutes and see how you feel.

Use an app to track your progress.  Put your exercise clothes on your alarm clock or leave your yoga mat rolled out on the floor and in full view.  Do what it takes for you to cultivate this habit.  The reward is that you will feel great!

I’m off for a walk now,

To your health!

Disclaimer:  All articles written on Microyogi are opinions and not meant to serve as any kind of instruction for how to move your body.  I am merely writing to serve as a means of trying to find my own answers.  I am not a certified trainer or medical expert.